Tag Archives: love

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A Love Letter with Tinsel

Christmas is a reminder that we are loved, but we often have trouble accepting it.

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At this time of year, we all often see reminders of the real reason for Christmas, and we do need them. The onslaught of holiday events, family gatherings, shopping Loved at Christmasfrenzy and commercialism can be pretty overwhelming. In the midst of the chaos, we need a nudge to center our focus on a simple, humble birth in an ancient, middle-eastern stable.

 

So, we remember that Christmas is the celebration of Jesus’ birth and that’s good. But then we have to remember that He was born for the specific purpose of dying. He was born as a sacrifice for us. The first Christmas gift was wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger.   

 

But why? Why did He do this for us? We certainly didn’t deserve it. We didn’t earn it. We had messed everything up royally. So why?

 

We’re told that it was because He loved us, and I believe that to be true. But, it’s too easy to let those words slip out without really considering their meaning. I think most of us have trouble letting that idea fully sink in.

 

We can accept God’s love when we think of others. We have no trouble accepting that God loves our children, our family members and our friends. We can even accept that He loves the world. But, we have a little more trouble accepting that He loves us, individually.

 

We may intellectually believe that God loves us, but we have trouble feeling it. We have difficulty accepting it, because we often feel so unlovable. We see our faults, failures and mistakes. We know that we don’t deserve that kind of love.

 

I believe that the biggest stumbling block for many is their inability to fully accept, and feel God’s love. It’s easier to imagine a wrathful, disapproving, punishing God. The idea that we could be completely and unconditionally loved, when we are so inadequate, seems to be too far a stretch.

 

But then, here it is. That annual reminder that you are loved completely, unconditionally and sacrificially. The reminder that you matter, that you are precious. Try to accept it.

 

Recall how it feels to sit in the sunshine on a warm, summer day. You can feel the sun’s rays soaking all the way through you. Imagine God’s love doing the same, soaking through every cell of your body. Accept the gift. Hold onto it. Enjoy it. Let every light, ribbon and tinsel remind you that you are loved this Christmas. And when you read the Christmas story, remember that it is actually a love letter to you, wrapped in tinsel.

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Being There for Someone

We give best when we give of ourselves.

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During the holiday season, we tend to think more about giving to those in need. At this time of year, charitable helping_handsorganizations generally receive the bulk of their donations. From the Salvation Army Santa’s ringing bells on the street corner to Samaritan’s Purse shoe boxes to television commercials for children’s hospitals, we see opportunities to give.

Some might say that this increase in charitable giving is simply an effort to take advantage of a tax deduction before year end, but I believe there’s more to it. The Thanksgiving holiday reminds us of how much we’ve been blessed. Beyond the turkey and stuffing, we feel a sense of gratitude for the good in our lives.

When we are able to rise above the commercialism, Christmas reminds us that it is more blessed to give than to receive. We remember the gift of the Magi, and the gift of the Christ Child. We feel more of a kinship with all people. Hopefully, we become a bit more like Tiny Tim, and a bit less like Scrooge.

Giving comes in many forms. Donating money is wonderful and necessary, but sometimes we give more when we give of ourselves. By volunteering our time, we serve others, while blessing ourselves. We feel more of a connection to the cause.

Wayne Dyer, Ph.D. once shared a great story about Mother Teresa. He said that she had gone to a city in Florida for the opening of a new homeless shelter. While there, she was asked to do a radio interview to share specifics about the facility. When she arrived at the studio, the station staff were struck by the presence and humble demeanor of this very small, elderly lady. After the interview ended, and they were off the air, the D.J. continued his conversation with Mother Teresa. He said that he was moved by her mission and wanted to personally do more to help. He offered to stage a major fund raising drive, but she softly told him that they had all the money they needed. He asked if he could do more to publicize the new shelter, but she said her team would get the word out. With some frustration, he asked if there wasn’t something that he could do. He really wanted to do something, but she wasn’t accepting his offers. She then looked directly in his eyes and softly said that there was something he could do. She said, “Get up really early tomorrow morning. Go out on the street and find someone who thinks he is alone, and convince him that he’s not.

This Christmas, it would do us all good to find someone who thinks he or she is alone, and convince them that they are not. And who knows, we might like the practice enough to continue it the rest of the year!

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Are You Making Jed Clampett’s Mistake?

Are Self-Esteem Wounds Causing You To Miss Out on Gifts You Already Own?

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When I was a kid, I liked to watch the Beverly Hillbillies. For those of you who are way too young, this was a Jed_Clampettsituation comedy about a poor mountaineer family who struck oil on their property, became rich, and moved into a Beverly Hills mansion. Each episode portrayed their confusion, ignorance, and occasional wisdom, as they encountered some aspect of Beverly Hills life.

Jed Clampett was the patriarch of the family. He discovered the oil when he shot into the ground, and “up came a bubbling crude.” Prior to the discovery, he and his family had lived in a little shack, with just enough food to survive.

The irony was that Jed Clampett had always been rich. He had always owned the oil. He just didn’t know it. The riches were just under the surface, waiting to be discovered.

Through the years, I have seen many people who are rich, but don’t know it. They suffer because they can’t see the gifts they already own. They mistakenly perceive themselves to be poor, so they life like they are poor.

These people aren’t living on an oil field. Their riches aren’t material or financial. Their gifts are actually much more valuable. Recognition of their gifts would certainly change their lives, even more than the Clampett’s.

Their unrecognized gifts may be personal abilities, character strengths or relationships. They fail to see these riches because of earlier self-esteem wounds. At some time in their childhood, they were led to believe that they were inadequate, defective or unimportant. Because they were just children, they believed these messages and failed to see the truth.

There was the very intelligent high school senior who never considered college because his father called him an idiot and told him that he would never amount to anything, or the talented musician and singer who never shared her music because a critical piano teacher told her that she lacked talent.

Then there was the sensitive, compassionate woman, who saw her caring nature and empathy as a weakness, because some mean girls in school made fun of her for being too emotional, or the boy who was ostracized because he his values prevented him from joining in on bullying a classmate.

There was the depressed, suicidal man who believed his family and the world would be better off without him, despite the fact that he had a loving family and many caring friends, who worried about him. Fortunately, his suicide attempt was unsuccessful, and he was able to discover the truth.

Finally, there was the woman who had been repeatedly abused and rejected in childhood and adulthood. She believed the abuse to be her fault, assuming that she had some defect that made her unlovable. She told me that she prayed every day that God would love her. I pointed out that this prayer was part of her problem. I told her that she was praying the wrong thing, because God already loved her. I suggested that she pray that God would help her see how much He loved her. She started praying this way, and initiated her healing.

Are you missing out on gifts you already possess? Are you living a life of emotional poverty, when your gifts are just below the surface? You can discover these riches, and your life can change. Just ask Jed Clampett.

 

Question: What talents, characteristics or love have you missed, because of your self-esteem wounds? How would your life change if you opened those gifts?

 

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The Impact of the Ultimate Love

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Feeling loved by another person is powerful. When we feel loved, without doubts, we feel more alive. Knowing that person’s love can make us God's_Childfeel warm, accepted and peaceful.

But human love has its limitations. It can be conditional and depend on our good or bad behavior. It may also depend on the other person’s mood or perspective. We can argue that the person doesn’t really know us or that the love is temporary.

So, what about God’s love. His love is unconditional. We can’t do anything to make God love us more and we can’t do anything to make Him love us less. He loved us while we were still sinners. Like everything else about God, his love is greater than we can imagine.

Imagine how our moods, choices and perspective would change if we allowed ourselves to experience a deep awareness of God’s love and felt it fully as we went through our days. How would it impact us? How would it impact our self-esteem? How would it impact our anxiety, depression and fears?

I think being a parent allows us to experience a small sample of God’s love. Your baby didn’t have to do anything to be loved by you. He couldn’t do anything to earn your love. He just ate, slept and pooped, yet your love welled up within you and nothing could stop it.

You held that baby in your arms as he slept. You gazed at his face or fingers and watched him breath. This was a powerful moment of your love for your baby. Have you ever considered that God watches you sleep with the same love you felt (and much, much more).

In 1962, Karl Barth, considered by many to be the greatest protestant theologian of the twentieth century, was giving a lecture. After the lecture, he was asked by a student if he could sum up all of theology in one sentence. His reply was that all theology was summed up by a line from a song that he sang at his mother’s knee:

“Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”

 Today, work on reminding yourself that you are deeply loved by the creator of the universe; your creator. Remind yourself that this love is totally unconditional and permanent. Feel your Creator’s love, and see if it doesn’t change your day… and your life.

 

Questions/Comments: Please share a moment when you felt your Creator’s love and how it changed you.

 

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What My Dog Taught Me About Marriage

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In my outpatient practice, I often do marital therapy. Couples come in to work on improving, or perhaps saving their Poo_Dogrelationship. By the time they take this step, they have often experienced years of conflict or distance. Sometimes they are close to calling it quits and calling the divorce attorney.

My first task in marital therapy is an assessment of the situation. What are the issues? What are the patterns of communication? What are the trigger points of conflict? What are the personalities and motivations of each participant?

After this initial assessment, I will sometimes surprise the couple by telling them that they remind me a lot of my dog. This statement is met with some very strange looks, but at least I know that I have their attention. I go on to explain.

Several years ago, I was sitting on my front porch and my little white dog was playing in the yard. He never went into the road, but on this day he did. He ran into the road just as a car approached. The car hit him and ran over him. I watched helplessly as he rolled under the body of the car. The car drove on and my dog sat in the middle of the road, twisting and yelping.

I jumped off the porch and ran out to the road, while calling to my wife to get the car so we could take him to the vet. I reached down to pick up my dog to put him into the car, and he bit me on the hand.

It never entered my mind to be angry at my dog. I knew why my dog bit me. He bit me because he was in pain. I doubt that he even knew that he was biting me. He was just snapping at anything close because of his intense pain. His response was a reflex.

Most couples experiencing marital problems have been biting each other for some time. They didn’t bite because they were mean or because they didn’t love. They bit each other because they were in pain. They had been hurt by the other one and responded by biting back.

Unfortunately, each individual was aware of their own pain and their feeling that they had been bitten, but not aware that their responses had inadvertently bitten their partner. Not realizing that they had also bitten, they concluded that the partner bit because she was mean and critical or because he didn’t care.

My first task in doing marital therapy is getting each member of the couple to focus more of their attention on what they have done to hurt the relationship, rather than focusing on what the other partner has done. By realizing that they have also contributed to the problem, they can begin healing.

By the way, my dog recovered completely, and lived many years after the accident. By learning from my dog, many couples have recovered as well!

Question: Please share any experiences where you have recognized that you were not the only one being hurt in a relationship difficulty, and what you did about it.

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The Truth About Your God-Given Self-Esteem

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happy_womanSo far, in this series on our God-given self-esteem, we have looked at David’s statement in Psalm 8:5 that we are “a little lower than the heavenly beings… and crowned with many crowns.” We have also established that we are to be humble. Humility is simply a recognition of the fact that we are sinful beings and totally dependent on God. Finally, we distinguished the difference between accurate humility and self-punishment. The first reflects truth and is useful. The second reflects a lie and is destructive.

In today’s blog, I want to examine more scriptures concerning our true identity, thus our proper self-esteem. I think that it’s important to take these scriptures quite literally, and let their words sink in. We often pay attention to the scriptures that reflect our preexisting beliefs, while skimming over those that challenge our prior views.

1. First, we see that we are amazing and wonderful creations of our Heavenly Father. We are “fearfully and wonderfully made.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.   Psalm 139:13-14

You are one of His wonderful works, specifically and personally formed by Him; not an accident, not a mistake. You were meant to be here. You are as precious and wonderful as any other human being, including those you love.

2. Then we are told that we have a purpose. God, our creator, has a plan for us. Whether or not it is clear to you, you are meant to be here. There is a reason you are here.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

You have a future and a hope. God plans for your welfare. Watch expectantly!

3. Finally, we are told that our creator loves us so much….

For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.   John 3:16

 And that we didn’t have to do anything to earn that love.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

So, you are wonderfully made (just like those you love). God has a plan and purpose for your life (just like those you love). And God loves you enough to die for you, without you having to do anything to earn that love (just like those you love). It’s often easy for us to imagine God loving others, particularly those we know and love. However, we often have difficulty accepting His love for us, because we feel so unlovable. Yet, because it is the truth, we must accept that love.

Ponder on that love. Let it soak in like warm sunshine, as it permeates your body. Take the time to feel it. If you have difficulty, keep trying. You might try praying that God will help you to feel that love. He will.