The Violin Nobody Wanted

ImageThis post is a little longer than most. I have had several requests to share the following story from my book, “Parables for a Wounded Heart.” I hope you enjoy it!

Once there was a family that bought an old house. The prior owners had moved out of the house some time earlier, so this new family never met them. On the day they moved in, they had some items that they wanted to store in the attic. When they climbed up the attic stairs, they found that the previous owners had left some junk piled in one corner. The new owners didn’t have time to go through the stuff and throw it away, so they just stacked their things around the leftover pile. They didn’t think of it again.

After several years, the family decided to do some spring cleaning. They planned to have a yard sale to get rid of some of the things they had stored in the attic. When they went up to get their items, they saw the pile of things left by the previous owners. They decided they might as well try to sell those things too. Perhaps they could make a little extra money.

As they sorted out the pile, they found several items they could sell including an old violin in a case. The violin looked in pretty good shape, but the case was very dusty and all scratched up. They decided to put a $20.00 price tag on it and see what they could get.

On the day of the yard sale they put all the items on tables, and  people began to stop and browse. They sold many of their items and were about to call it a day. There were a few stragglers milling around the tables checking for any last minute buys. A car pulled over and a tall, thin older man got out. He too browsed the tables for a while.

He came to the table with the violin in the opened case. It seems no one had needed a fiddle this morning, not even for $20.00. He leaned over and studied the dusty violin for a couple of minutes before he spoke to the owner behind the table. He inquired, “Do you mind if I take it out of the case?”

“No”, the owner replied, “Help yourself.”

He picked the violin up very slowly and carefully, as if it were going to fall apart in his hands.

“May I tune it?” the old man asked.

“If you can,” the owner answered.

The old man slowly tuned the violin until he seemed to be satisfied with each string. The owner waited patiently since most of the crowd had dispersed; and this seemed like the most promising chance of getting rid of the instrument.

“May I play it?” the old man asked.

“Sure, see how it sounds,” was the owner’s reply, now feeling that a sale was in the making.

The old man slowly placed the violin under his chin and began to play. The straggling shoppers stopped and stared as the notes drifted across the yard in the spring sunshine. The old man crafted the most beautiful music for several minutes before he stopped. He lowered the violin from his chin and placed it very gently back in its case. The owner moved in to make the sale. “You make that thing sing, mister” he said with a grin. “You can have it for only $20.00.”

The older man’s face was somber. “I can’t give you $20.00 for that violin,” he replied.

“Well, how about $15.00?” said the owner, now thinking a sale was slipping away.

“Sir, you don’t understand.” noted the old man, still serious. “I can’t take that violin from you for $20.00. It wouldn’t be right.” Looking directly into the owner’s eyes, he lowered his voice and smiled slightly, “I don’t know how you came upon that violin, but you don’t know what you have there. You see, that violin is a Stradivarius. You can tell from the markings in the sound hole. It was made by Antonio Stradivari in Cremona. His instruments are the best in the world. You see, his mark is there in the sound hole. This violin is worth at least $1,000,000 and probably much more. It’s a very, very special instrument and very precious. You just didn’t realize what you had.”

The violin had always been precious. It was valuable because of its creator. The violin was valuable because its creator only made precious instruments, and it carried the unmistakable mark of that creator. The earlier homeowners who left it in the attic obviously didn’t know what they had and treated it like trash. The new owners didn’t know what they had either and left it in the attic with the trash. The yard sale shoppers who left it on the table didn’t know what they were leaving behind. They treated it as if it was not even worth $20.00. It took the old man to recognize the violin’s value. He didn’t have to play it to recognize that it was precious. The old man knew it was precious because he knew about its creator. He knew that it had the mark of its creator.

You may be like the violin. You may have grown up in a family that wasn’t able to recognize your true value. They may have acted as if you were in the way or just something to be tolerated. Or they may have made you feel that you couldn’t do anything right or were always messing up. Later in life, you may have dealt with others who also acted as you weren’t worth much, who acted as if you were trash.

It’s important to remember that the violin never actually lost its value. It was just as valuable when it was left in a corner of the attic as it would have been in a symphony hall. It was still valuable when it was passed over by the rest of the customers in the yard sale. The creator had left his mark on it, and that made all the difference.

Every child is valuable. Each child is as valuable as any other child. We all know this to be true. There is no defect, deformity, characteristic, or behavior that can make a child less valuable. We also know this to be true. A child’s actual value is not diminished when her family doesn’t recognize or act as if she is valuable. You know this to be true.

The child is hurt, of course. The child learns to believe that she is not valuable. Such lessons are learned deeply. Such beliefs are hard to change. Just because a belief is deeply learned doesn’t mean that it is true.

Question:  Share your thoughts about the meaning or moral of this story. Do you agree that all children are valuable and deserve to be treated as such? Can you apply that truth to yourself? Can you begin to do that now? What do you think?

This story was inspired by the poem, “The Touch of the Master’s Hand” by Myra “Brooks” Welch (1921).

The Placebo and the Nocebo Effect

Your expectations can have a major impact on your health and your future.

Most people have heard of the placebo effect. This is when a non-therapeutic pill (e.g. sugar pill) actually helps the placebo effectpatient get better because they expect it to help. A placebo is usually used to test new medication. One group is given the placebo, and a second group is given the actual medication. The patients don’t know which they have received. The researchers then compare the results reported by each group.

The truly amazing thing is the fact that many people report an improvement in symptoms, even though they just received the sugar pill. The improvement was produced by their expectation of positive results. Our brains have an amazing ability to heal and correct physical abnormalities. We need to develop a better understanding of this natural ability, so we can use it for our benefit.

While many have heard of the placebo effect, few are aware of the “nocebo effect.” This is when a detrimental effect on health is produced by negative expectations or beliefs. Research has shown that negative beliefs about health can result in actual worsening of physical functioning.

One dramatic example of the nocebo effect is when a witch doctor puts a curse on one of the tribesmen. The witch doctor may declare that the man will die before sunrise, and the otherwise healthy man will die. Of course, this only happens when the victim fully believes the power of the curse, but it does happen, and has been documented.

Fortunately, most of us have escaped a witch doctor’s curse. Unfortunately, many have been impacted by the nocebo effect. Negative expectations of health have worsened health concerns. Seeing yourself as old, can make you older. Expectations of early death can sometimes hasten death.

I have known several situations where a person said they didn’t think they would live beyond a certain age, and their prediction came true. Perhaps they had some premonition, or perhaps it was just coincidence. But, it seems more likely that their bodies responded to their expectations.

I have also known situations where people perceived themselves as old, began to act old, and then seemed to age prematurely. Was this the result of the nocebo effect, or was it something else? It’s difficult to tell, but just in case, you might want to work on your expectations. Make the decision to expect the best in your health, think young thoughts, and plan your one hundredth birthday party. You just might make it!

 

The Power of Your Thinking

Young Woman Biting Her Finger NailAs a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
Proverbs 23:7

You talk to yourself all day. All your waking hours, you are thinking in words and sentences. You carry on an internal conversation with yourself. You comment on events, ask yourself questions and then answer them. This is normal. We all do it, but we usually aren’t aware that we’re doing it.

Have you ever stopped to consider the impact of all this internal chatter? You might be surprised at the degree to which your thoughts influence your mood, guide your perceptions and direct your behaviors. We would all do well to pay attention to the content of our thoughts, and consider their influence on our mood and choices. Have negative thought patterns caused you to experience unnecessary pain or make unhealthy choices?

The power of our thinking is magnified by the sheer volume of thoughts that go through our minds each day. Thousands of words, hundreds of phrases, judging thoughts, assuming thoughts, emotionally charged thoughts, all passing unquestioned into our minds and hearts.

A little internal observation will reveal that we all have habitual patterns of thinking. Some of us tend to think optimistic thoughts and some pessimistic thoughts. Some people are kind to themselves in their thoughts and some are very self-critical. Some people tend to be skeptical of others and some trusting in their thoughts.

This week, pay attention to your thoughts. Notice what you are saying to yourself. Particularly, notice any repeated patterns of negative thinking. Also, notice how your thoughts influence your mood and your behaviors. Was a negative or irritable mood preceded by negative thinking? Was a depressed mood preceded by self-critical or pessimistic thoughts? I believe that a little self-examination will reveal a connection between your self-talk and your life experience.
There are many forms of negative thinking can hurt us. In future posts, I will be addressing several specific types of negative thinking and providing tools we can use to change our thinking and improve our lives. For now, just notice the internal conversation as you go through your day. Become aware of your thoughts, your assumptions and your attributions. Awareness is the beginning of change.

Question: What techniques have you found to be helpful in monitoring your self-talk? Can you see a connection between the quality of your daily life experience and the thoughts that are going through your head?

You’ll Never Guess What I Did Today!!

ImageToday has been a truly magnificent day! This day has been filled with a long-awaited and long overdue activity. The day was exactly what I needed. The day filled my spirit and nourished my soul.

Today, I did nothing!

I didn’t vegetate in front of a TV (not my thing). I didn’t sleep (naps make me feel groggy). I didn’t travel, entertain, educate myself, exercise or explore. I had plenty to do, of course, but I chose to do none of it. It could wait. It did wait, and the world didn’t alter its rotation at all, as far as I could tell.

I did sit and look at the beautiful view from my house. Actually, I gazed, which is much better than looking. I did have brief, pleasant conversations with family, but even these were not intended to be productive or purposeful. I listened to some quiet music, more as background for the gazing than anything. I did a little reading, punctuated by more gazing.

I don’t have days like this very often. I don’t try to have days like this very often. I have too many things that I like to do, too many interests, too many projects to have many do-nothing days. My usual wish is that I could pack 48 hours in every 24 hour day. I usually enjoy activity.

But, sometimes I need a time to do nothing. We all do. We need a time to slow down, contemplate, and perhaps, to gaze. Time moves more slowly. We experience the moment, then the next moment. We recharge, perhaps we recalibrate our internal motors.

The demands of life often postpone such times. We (at least me) tend to squeeze the most we can get out of every minute. It’s usually an okay choice, but, not today. Today I did nothing, and it felt good.   

If you’re like me and most of your days are filled to the brim, you might like to schedule an appointment to do nothing. It won’t happen by itself. You’ll have to make it happen. Who knows? It might also be good for your soul!

Question: What is your favorite way to spend a “do-nothing” day? What benefits do you see when you slow your life down?

The Power of Your Thinking
By Terry L. Ledford, Ph.D.

Young Woman Biting Her Finger NailAs a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
Proverbs 23:7

You talk to yourself all day. All your waking hours, you are thinking in words and sentences. You carry on an internal conversation with yourself. You comment on events, ask yourself questions and then answer them. This is normal. We all do it, but we usually aren’t aware that we’re doing it.

Have you ever stopped to consider the impact of all this internal chatter? You might be surprised at the degree to which your thoughts influence your mood, guide your perceptions and direct your behaviors. We would all do well to pay attention to the content of our thoughts, and consider their influence on our mood and choices. Have negative thought patterns caused you to experience unnecessary pain or make unhealthy choices?

The power of our thinking is magnified by the sheer volume of thoughts that go through our minds each day. Thousands of words, hundreds of phrases, judging thoughts, assuming thoughts, emotionally charged thoughts, all passing unquestioned into our minds and hearts.

A little internal observation will reveal that we all have habitual patterns of thinking. Some of us tend to think optimistic thoughts and some pessimistic thoughts. Some people are kind to themselves in their thoughts and some are very self-critical. Some people tend to be skeptical of others and some trusting in their thoughts.

This week, pay attention to your thoughts. Notice what you are saying to yourself. Particularly, notice any repeated patterns of negative thinking. Also, notice how your thoughts influence your mood and your behaviors. Was a negative or irritable mood preceded by negative thinking? Was a depressed mood preceded by self-critical or pessimistic thoughts? I believe that a little self-examination will reveal a connection between your self-talk and your life experience.
There are many forms of negative thinking can hurt us. In future posts, I will be addressing several specific types of negative thinking and providing tools we can use to change our thinking and improve our lives. For now, just notice the internal conversation as you go through your day. Become aware of your thoughts, your assumptions and your attributions. Awareness is the beginning of change.

Question: What techniques have you found to be helpful in monitoring your self-talk? Can you see a connection between the quality of your daily life experience and the thoughts that are going through your head?