Tag Archives: Christian

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A Search for Constancy

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As I write this, I’m gazing out at the Western North Carolina mountains. It’s early morning, and the sun is just coming up. I love looking out over the mountains. It never gets old.

So, I wondered why looking at the mountains is so satisfying. They don’t really do anything. They just sit there. They’re pretty much the same as they were yesterday, and the day before. In fact, I don’t remember ever seeing them move.

Perhaps, that’s it. I appreciate the mountains because they are always the same. They are constant. They are consistent.

In a world where everything changes, it’s nice to notice the constant. Most aspects of life are in constant flux. Our circumstances, our moods and even our bodies are always changing. So much is temporary.

And, so many things are unpredictable and uncertain. We don’t know what the next moment will bring. When we’re honest with ourselves, we all know that we control very little in our lives.

So, the mountains provide a sense of constancy. They were here long before I was born, and they will be here long after I’m gone. They feel predictable. They seem steady.

But, even the mountains will change. Mountains do change, albeit very slowly. They should outlast me, but they too will be gone someday.

I guess that’s why I really like verse 6 of Psalm 23. “Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” More constant than the mountains, more predictable than the sunrise, our Father is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

He constantly provides goodness and mercy. I know that I need that today, and I’m sure I’ll need it tomorrow.

And he follows me. The thought of the Creator of the Universe following little ole me is a bit strange at first. We tend to think of God being stationary, sitting on a throne, waiting for us to come to him. But, that isn’t the message of the Bible. The whole Bible describes a God who follows, pursues, and reaches out to mankind. I love Francis Thompson’s description of God as “the Hound of Heaven.” A God who relentlessly pursues a relationship with his children.

Finally, David reminds us of the constancy of our final home. We will “dwell in the house of the Lord…” Now, wait for it. Listen for it… “forever.” Now, that’s much more reassuring than gazing at mountains.

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A Love Letter with Tinsel

Christmas is a reminder that we are loved, but we often have trouble accepting it.

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At this time of year, we all often see reminders of the real reason for Christmas, and we do need them. The onslaught of holiday events, family gatherings, shopping Loved at Christmasfrenzy and commercialism can be pretty overwhelming. In the midst of the chaos, we need a nudge to center our focus on a simple, humble birth in an ancient, middle-eastern stable.

 

So, we remember that Christmas is the celebration of Jesus’ birth and that’s good. But then we have to remember that He was born for the specific purpose of dying. He was born as a sacrifice for us. The first Christmas gift was wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger.   

 

But why? Why did He do this for us? We certainly didn’t deserve it. We didn’t earn it. We had messed everything up royally. So why?

 

We’re told that it was because He loved us, and I believe that to be true. But, it’s too easy to let those words slip out without really considering their meaning. I think most of us have trouble letting that idea fully sink in.

 

We can accept God’s love when we think of others. We have no trouble accepting that God loves our children, our family members and our friends. We can even accept that He loves the world. But, we have a little more trouble accepting that He loves us, individually.

 

We may intellectually believe that God loves us, but we have trouble feeling it. We have difficulty accepting it, because we often feel so unlovable. We see our faults, failures and mistakes. We know that we don’t deserve that kind of love.

 

I believe that the biggest stumbling block for many is their inability to fully accept, and feel God’s love. It’s easier to imagine a wrathful, disapproving, punishing God. The idea that we could be completely and unconditionally loved, when we are so inadequate, seems to be too far a stretch.

 

But then, here it is. That annual reminder that you are loved completely, unconditionally and sacrificially. The reminder that you matter, that you are precious. Try to accept it.

 

Recall how it feels to sit in the sunshine on a warm, summer day. You can feel the sun’s rays soaking all the way through you. Imagine God’s love doing the same, soaking through every cell of your body. Accept the gift. Hold onto it. Enjoy it. Let every light, ribbon and tinsel remind you that you are loved this Christmas. And when you read the Christmas story, remember that it is actually a love letter to you, wrapped in tinsel.

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Comparing Ourselves With Others

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… for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,    Romans 3:23

 

When we experience self-esteem wounds, we tend to feel alone. We assume that other people don’t have the samegirl_looking_in_mirror thoughts, feel the same feelings or experience the same failings. We feel “less than” when we compare ourselves to those around us.

And we do compare. We compare physical appearance; more wrinkles, more weight, less hair. We compare possessions; smaller house, older car, cheaper clothes. We compare our relative successes; less status, less salary, more failures. We compare, even when we try not to compare.

And we find ourselves lacking. Others look like they have it all together. They act happier and more confident. They seem more comfortable in social situations. They don’t look insecure, uncertain or full of self-doubt.

Its’ not surprising that we see others this way. It’s because almost everyone works so hard to act like they have it all together. It deludes us into thinking that they really do. We then are left with the misguided conclusion that our troubles, insecurities, doubts and fears are unique and a testament to our defects and weaknesses. Of course, we then feel forced to work harder to act like we have it all together. We hide our doubts and insecurities so we will look good.

So do they.

To be human is, by definition, to be imperfect. All humans have faults, imperfections, doubts, fears, insecurities and failures. As Paul said, “all have sinned and fail short…”

Comparison with others is a trap. Any comparison with others will mess you up. If you see yourself as superior, you will become vein and prideful. If you see yourself as inferior, you will become ashamed and depressed. Either way you lose.

The truth is we are neither, better or worse. We are the same. We are all in the same boat. We have “all sinned and fall short…” No one is any better than you, and no one is any worse. Recognizing that fact, knowing it in your heart, is strangely comforting.

It is a fact. You are not less than any other human being. The only choice now is whether or not you choose to accept and believe it.

 

Question: Tell us your thoughts on this tendency to compare ourselves with others. Also, please share any techniques you found successful to stop the comparisons.

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Is There Life After Birth?

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This is a facinating twist on an old argument that makes you think. I saw this on Facebook and just wanted to share. Is mom real?I hope you enjoy it.

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?” The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

“Nonsense” said the first. There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?””

The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”

The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”
The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”

“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”

The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”

The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”

Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”

To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.” – Útmutató a Léleknek

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Viewing Events From An Eternal Perspective

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Everyone experiences their share of painful, negative life events. We all experience loss. Sometimes the pain feels depressed_personlike more than we can bare. The pain of grief cannot be taken away, and really, it shouldn’t. We need to grieve when we experience loss. The process of grief is healthy and eventually healing.

However, there are some techniques we can use to ease our grief a bit. I learned one such tool in one of my trips to Thailand. I conducted brief annual clinics for missionaries in Thailand for seven years. The clinics were held at an annual conference of 1200 to 1500 missionaries, and I was asked to attend to offer counseling for those that needed it. The days were full and a very rewarding.

Each morning of the conference, a worship service was held for the attendees. The services were held in a large auditorium, with all of the 1200 to 1500 in attendance. One speaker shared a message that the difficulties in our lives take on a new meaning when we view them from an eternal perspective. He said that we tend to think of our losses in terms of the impact they will make on our remaining years on this earth. We imagine spending our days without the loved one. However, as Christians, we believe that our true existence is for eternity, not just for our earthly years.

As he spoke, I noticed a string tied to his podium and stretching upward all the way to the back ceiling of the conference center. The string had to be at least 150 yards in length. Later in the sermon, he pointed the string out to the crowd. He also noted that, near the podium, there was a small bead on the string. He said to think of our earthly lives as the string that was covered by the bead, and our eternal lives as the full length of the string, plus much more. He pointed out that any painful events that we experience on this earth are only here for a moment, but that we have an eternity ahead of us.

He noted that the years where we will miss that loved one are but a blink of an eye, in perspective to being with them again for an eternity. He then said that the difference between an earthly life of five years or ninety-five years seems enormous to us, but that when seen from an eternal perspective, it is only a moment in time. He asked us to remember that reality when we have to deal with earthly pain and loss.

Now, I fully realize that this perspective can be hard to maintain, when we are in the middle of grief, but I do find some comfort when I remember the string and the bead. I hope you will as well.

 

Question/Comment: Please share any perspectives or techniques that have helped you deal with grief and loss.

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The Impact of the Ultimate Love

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Feeling loved by another person is powerful. When we feel loved, without doubts, we feel more alive. Knowing that person’s love can make us God's_Childfeel warm, accepted and peaceful.

But human love has its limitations. It can be conditional and depend on our good or bad behavior. It may also depend on the other person’s mood or perspective. We can argue that the person doesn’t really know us or that the love is temporary.

So, what about God’s love. His love is unconditional. We can’t do anything to make God love us more and we can’t do anything to make Him love us less. He loved us while we were still sinners. Like everything else about God, his love is greater than we can imagine.

Imagine how our moods, choices and perspective would change if we allowed ourselves to experience a deep awareness of God’s love and felt it fully as we went through our days. How would it impact us? How would it impact our self-esteem? How would it impact our anxiety, depression and fears?

I think being a parent allows us to experience a small sample of God’s love. Your baby didn’t have to do anything to be loved by you. He couldn’t do anything to earn your love. He just ate, slept and pooped, yet your love welled up within you and nothing could stop it.

You held that baby in your arms as he slept. You gazed at his face or fingers and watched him breath. This was a powerful moment of your love for your baby. Have you ever considered that God watches you sleep with the same love you felt (and much, much more).

In 1962, Karl Barth, considered by many to be the greatest protestant theologian of the twentieth century, was giving a lecture. After the lecture, he was asked by a student if he could sum up all of theology in one sentence. His reply was that all theology was summed up by a line from a song that he sang at his mother’s knee:

“Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”

 Today, work on reminding yourself that you are deeply loved by the creator of the universe; your creator. Remind yourself that this love is totally unconditional and permanent. Feel your Creator’s love, and see if it doesn’t change your day… and your life.

 

Questions/Comments: Please share a moment when you felt your Creator’s love and how it changed you.

 

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The Truth About Your God-Given Self-Esteem

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happy_womanSo far, in this series on our God-given self-esteem, we have looked at David’s statement in Psalm 8:5 that we are “a little lower than the heavenly beings… and crowned with many crowns.” We have also established that we are to be humble. Humility is simply a recognition of the fact that we are sinful beings and totally dependent on God. Finally, we distinguished the difference between accurate humility and self-punishment. The first reflects truth and is useful. The second reflects a lie and is destructive.

In today’s blog, I want to examine more scriptures concerning our true identity, thus our proper self-esteem. I think that it’s important to take these scriptures quite literally, and let their words sink in. We often pay attention to the scriptures that reflect our preexisting beliefs, while skimming over those that challenge our prior views.

1. First, we see that we are amazing and wonderful creations of our Heavenly Father. We are “fearfully and wonderfully made.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.   Psalm 139:13-14

You are one of His wonderful works, specifically and personally formed by Him; not an accident, not a mistake. You were meant to be here. You are as precious and wonderful as any other human being, including those you love.

2. Then we are told that we have a purpose. God, our creator, has a plan for us. Whether or not it is clear to you, you are meant to be here. There is a reason you are here.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

You have a future and a hope. God plans for your welfare. Watch expectantly!

3. Finally, we are told that our creator loves us so much….

For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.   John 3:16

 And that we didn’t have to do anything to earn that love.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

So, you are wonderfully made (just like those you love). God has a plan and purpose for your life (just like those you love). And God loves you enough to die for you, without you having to do anything to earn that love (just like those you love). It’s often easy for us to imagine God loving others, particularly those we know and love. However, we often have difficulty accepting His love for us, because we feel so unlovable. Yet, because it is the truth, we must accept that love.

Ponder on that love. Let it soak in like warm sunshine, as it permeates your body. Take the time to feel it. If you have difficulty, keep trying. You might try praying that God will help you to feel that love. He will.

 

 

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Confusing Humility with Self-Punishment

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What does The Bible say about our proper self-esteem? As Christians, how should we see ourselves? How should we think of ourselves? This is the third in a series of blogs on “Our God-Given Self-Esteem?
In the last blog, I discussed scriptures pointing out that we should be humble in our relationship to God. We have to realize that we are totally dependent on God and can do nothing by ourselves. We also must recognize that we are sinners and are helpless without His grace. This is just reality. We lose much when we forget our dependence on God.
Many times, however, Christians have taken this truth and carried it to the extreme, believing that they should be self-depreciating and self-punishing. Many people live their lives riddled with extreme guilt, and self-criticism or even self-abuse, thinking that they are being good Christians.
For most this has taken the form of self-critical thoughts and consuming guilt or sadness. Throughout history, others have gone even further. Some have practiced “mortification of the flesh,” believing that they should punish themselves because of their lowly, sinful nature. This self-punishment has taken the form of wearing sackcloth, extreme fasting, carrying heavy loads, wearing a tight garment or band with inward spikes that pierce the flesh (called a cilice) and flagellation (constantly whipping oneself with a whip).
While most of us would never consider such extreme forms of self-punishment, we often abuse ourselves in our minds. When we flood our minds with self-critical, self-demeaning or self-abusive thoughts, aren’t we just substituting the flagellation whip with words? In fact, I think the physical whip might be less painful than the words. Physical wounds heal faster than emotional wounds.
Notice your self-talk. Listen to the statements you say to yourself, particularly when you have made a mistake or fallen short of your expectations. Are you being overly harsh with yourself? Would you say the same words to anyone else? Are you abusing yourself with your words? Are you verbally flagellating yourself?
Would now be a good time to lay down the whip?

Question: Have you experienced religious messages that you should be self-depreciating or self-punishing? Do you believe such messages to be helpful or harmful to one living life abundantly and with joy?

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Self-Esteem and Humility

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humble_manIn my last blog, I introduced a series on our God-Given Self-Esteem, examining the teachings of the Bible on the proper way we should see ourselves. We examined David’s words that God made man “a little lower than the heavenly beings, and crowned him with many crowns.” (Psalms 8:5) Unfortunately, we rarely believe or accept this definition of our identity.

In today’s post, we will examine the Biblical teaching that we should be humble. How does this teaching impact any work to raise self-esteem? How can we be humble and still consider ourselves “a little lower than the heavenly beings?” Can we be humble and still be “crowned with many crowns?”

Here are some scriptures that teach us to be humble:

 

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has given you. (Romans 12:3)

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”  (James 4:6)

 …for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)

 

I believe that these scriptures point to a simple truth. They do express reality. We are totally dependent on God. We can do nothing without Him. We are all sinners, saved only by grace.

There is a God and I’m not Him. I can’t comprehend the vastness of the universe. Why, I can barely figure out my cell phone. When considering an all-knowing, all-powerful and all-loving God, any attitude other than humility would be foolish.

My efforts to help people recognize and heal self-esteem wounds is not intended to negate the above scriptures. I believe that any good counseling is a movement toward the truth, and I believe these scriptures are true. We have to be responsible for our mistakes and hurtful behaviors. We all have to recognize our limitations.

But these limitations are universally human. We are all in the same boat. We are all merely human. That’s not a personal defect, it’s just the truth of our identity. In this sense, we should always be humble.

In the next post, we’ll examine how a proper self-esteem can be humble, yet positive. We’ll look at how the world conveys lies that wound self-esteem and destroy our joy. We’ll identify the internal comparison that damages self-esteem.

Question: Have you known anyone that seemed to possess both humility and positive self-esteem? How did they demonstrate this?

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Your God-Given Self-Esteem

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What does the Bible say about a true, scriptural self-esteem? How does God want us to see ourselves? I believe scripture is prettyGazing_at_sky clear on this subject. This entry is the first of a series of blogs in “Your Core Value” that specifically addresses self-esteem from a Biblical standpoint. In today’s blog, we are looking at Psalm 8:3-5.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.

When we read through the Psalms, we find that David was amazingly open with God about his feelings. Sometimes he was praising and dancing before the Lord. Sometimes, he was angry with God and complaining that God wasn’t acting when he felt he should. But here, we see a contemplative David. I can imagine him lying on his back in a field, gazing up at the stars. As he reflects on the vastness of the universe and the wonders of his earthly home, he asks, “What is man that you would be mindful of him?” He could have easily personalized it by saying, “Who am I that you would be mindful of me?”

It’s actually a common question. Who am I? How does God see me? Am I important, and if so, why? What is my worth? What is my value? What is the truth about me?

Our self-esteem is defined by the beliefs we hold about ourselves and how we fit, or do not fit into the world. In “Parables for a Wounded Heart,” I describe how negative childhood experiences tend to wound the self-esteem and create negative self-beliefs. Unfortunately, our self-esteem is often determined by the comparisons we make between ourselves and others.

In this scripture, however, David is asking the proper question. God, who do you say that I am? He goes to the source, the creator. He asks the source of truth for the truth.

But then, David seems to answer his own question. He reminds himself of what he already knows. “But, you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with many crowns.” This isn’t a question. It’s a statement of a truth David has gleaned from scripture and many years of intimate time with his God.

So, how often do you feel “a little lower than the heavenly beings?” On some days, do you feel a little lower than a snake’s belly? Do you feel “crowned with many crowns” or crowned with a dunce cap? If this scripture describes our true identity, then why do we not feel that way?

How do you think your life would be different if you truly felt a little lower than the heavenly beings? Would you stand taller, dream bigger, proceed with more courage and confidence? Would you serve better?

Also, how do you think you would treat others if you realized that they too, are just a little lower than the heavenly beings? Would you show more compassion and patience? Would you honor others more?

Take some time to reflect on David’s words about your identity. You are “a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned with glory and honor.” The same is true of those you encounter today. If you are a little lower than the heavenly beings, perhaps you should stand taller, smile broader and walk with a spring in your step. Consider what it would look like if you treated yourself and those you meet with honor. Try it on and see how it fits.

In future blogs, we’ll consider other scriptures that answer the question; Who am I?” We’ll continue to explore you God-given self-esteem.

 

Question: How do David’s words impact your perceptions of your worth or importance?