“Who are you?” This is an important question, perhaps one of your most important questions in life. It is such an important question because your answer to this question impacts your entire life.
Do you perceive yourself to be similar to others or to be different? Do you perceive yourself to be smart, competent and capable, or to be inadequate, incompetent and destined to fail? Do you believe you are likeable and loveable or that you are boring, odd, unimportant or likely to be rejected?
Your beliefs about who you are will greatly influence your decision making. If you believe you are competent and capable, you will be more likely to go after your dreams or desires. You will apply for that promotion, sign up for that course or degree, start that business or tackle that challenging hobby. Your decision making will focus more on whether you want or do not want to do something, not on whether you can or cannot do it. You will be more likely to assume that you can do whatever you want to do.
Also, when you believe you are competent and capable, you are less vulnerable to the inevitable failures in life. You aren’t as likely to be crushed by criticism, nullified by the naysayers, or mangled by your mistakes. You see a poor performance as an exception to who you are rather than a definition of who you are. You move on and try again.
When you believe you are likeable and loveable, you approach social situations with more self-confidence. You enter relationships with an assumption that the other person will like you. You focus your attention on the similarities between you and others, rather than the differences. You expect, and even demand, that others offer you the same respect and courtesy you give them.
When you believe you are likeable and loveable, you are less likely to be crushed by the times when others treat you badly or ignore you altogether. When someone acts distant or unfriendly, you tend to attribute the behavior to some factor in that person, rather than assuming that they treated you that way because of some defective factor in you.
Your answer to the question, “Who am I?” is the core determinant of your self-esteem or self-concept. You can assess your current self-esteem by paying attention to the thoughts passing through you mind, as you go through your day. Watch for self-critical thoughts. Watch for perceptions or anticipations of rejection. Also, pay attention to your choices, both now and in the past. Do your choices suggest that you go after what you want? Do your relationship choices suggest that you expect others to treat you as you treat them?
This week, you can become more aware of your self-esteem. Simply by paying attention, you can gain a better understanding of your answer to the question, “Who am I?”
*Some content taken from Dr. Ledford’s book, “Parables for a Wounded Heart: Overcoming the Wounds to Your Self-Esteem and Transforming Your Perception of You.”
