King of the Hill

Kids and adults sometimes try to boost their social status by putting others down. It doesn't have to be that way.

In the days before video games, kids spent more time outside. They had to be creative in finding ways to occupy themselves. They sometimes created their own games. One suchchildren teasing another child game was “King of the Hill.”

 

In this game, kids would gather at the bottom of a hill. Someone would yell “go,” and everyone would race to the top. The goal was to be the one standing at the top of the hill at the end of the game. There were two ways to win the game. You could win by being the fastest one up the hill. Most often, you won by pulling anyone ahead of you backwards.

 

As you can imagine, the game could get pretty rough. Some kids would be running up the hill, while others were rolling back down. You knew you were in trouble when you felt someone grabbing the back of your shirt.

 

Unfortunately, this game is still played today, just in a different way. It’s played every day in school. Kids will put other kids down in an attempt to elevate their social standing. They try to look cool or gain popularity by teasing, gossiping, or tearing down another kid.

 

Kids want to fit in. They are acutely sensitive to their social standing. When they tease another kid, their desire to gain popularity blinds them to the pain felt by the victim. The target of their barb simply becomes collateral damage, at they strive to get further up the social hill.

 

Of course, not every child plays the game. The child with a good self-esteem doesn’t have to play. In fact, I believe that those children with the deepest self-esteem wounds play the game most viciously.

 

Some kids avoid the game because of their strong sense of empathy. They imagine the pain of the victim, and refuse to attack, even if their own social standing is compromised. They look for a different way to deal with the social battle.

 

It would be nice if the game were restricted to childhood. Unfortunately, adults sometimes play their own version. We play through gossip, which serves to make us feel better, through the denigration of another. We also play by comparison. We tend to feel better when our stuff is bigger, newer or more expensive than others. In some settings, people still play through direct teasing, oddly reminiscent of sixth grade dramatics.

 

It would be nice if the victims of this game could realize that their attackers play out of their own insecurities or self-esteem wounds. It would be great if players could pause the game long enough to feel empathy for their victims, and look for a healthier way to boost their own self-esteem. We would all be better off if we realized that there is room at the top of the hill for everyone.

 

I'm a psychologist, who helps people who have sustained self-esteem wounds from past negative experiences, overcome those wounds and experience a more positive self-worth, so they can live more joyful and satisfying lives.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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