It seems to begin early in childhood. Every parent has heard the complaint, “But, that’s not 
fair.” We seem to have this instinctual expectation that the world should be fair, and that expectation often continues into adulthood.
When we perceive that we have not been treated fairly, we complain. To ourselves, or to anyone who will listen, we complain about our unfair treatment. Our protests reflect our inner expectation that life should be fair. Even though we intellectually know better, our complaints also indicate that we assume life has been fair to everyone else.
So, what do we mean by fairness? Arthur Dobrin, DSW, teacher of applied ethics at Hofstra University, points out that there are three different perceptions of fairness. These are as follows:
- Sameness: This is the expectation that everyone will be treated equally. Everyone pays the same thing, and everyone gets the same thing. Regardless of need and circumstances, everything is equal. Everyone eats, or no one does. Senior citizens pay the same as younger adults and children. No one gets more than another. Dr. Dobrin calls this perception of fairness, equality of outcome.
- Deservedness: This is the expectation that you get what you deserve. If you work hard, you get everything you earn, and you keep it. You get only what you earn, and you get nothing if you don’t earn it. Those who are smarter, more talented and harder working will have more, and the inept, unmotivated or less diligent will have less. Dobrin says this is fairness as individual freedom.
- Need: This is the perception that those who have more should give more to help those who are unable to contribute as much. This is based on the belief that we all have obligations to one another, and that we should show compassion to those who have less. Here we see fairness linked with responsibility. Dr. Dobrin notes that this is fairness as social justice.
As you read through these, I suspect you agreed with some elements of all three. Most of us adhere to each perception, depending on the circumstances. We may also apply one concept to the world, and a different one to ourselves.
However, the truth is that life is not fair. A tornado will rip through a neighborhood, completely destroying one house, while not touching the one next door. One person gets cancer, while another remains healthy. It’s hard to understand. It’s not fair.
I certainly don’t pretend to understand why things happen the way they do. I do know, however, that obsessing or moaning about the unfairness of life accomplishes nothing. It just intensifies our pain. Once we accept that life isn’t fair, once we accept that life is difficult, we can begin to move on and live again. It may be hard, but it’s the reality of this life.
